| While browsing through Facebook I ran across this post: I do not know who the original writer was but it has resonated with me. I have also personally added my own thoughts and feelings to this post. This needs to be talked about. This needs to be shared. This needs to be read, but most importantly, this needs to be heard:
Sertraline- Zoloft You may or may not know what these medications are, or you may know a loved one who takes them. In case you don’t, I will fill you in. These medications allow people, like me, to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves us feeling tired, spaced out, emotionless, or even super emotional. Crazy, right? Why would anyone want to feel like that? I can personally tell you, we don’t. We don’t want to feel this way but certain things in life have required us to rely on some of these medications to function and just make it through the day. People don’t have to take them forever. Some people just need the medication to get over a difficult time until they can mentally and emotionally handle their emotions and feelings better. You see, some people suffer from severe depression and anxiety. There are things that people can’t just “get over.” I personally suffer from C-PTSD, major depressive disorder, as well as severe anxiety and panic attacks. People who struggle with their mental and emotional health aren’t damaged, we’ve been through events that most people can’t fathom. As a person who struggles with severe depression and anxiety, something in our brain just doesn’t seem right, everything seems off, or different. We over-analyze EVERYTHING. We notice the little things that most people wouldn’t notice. By the very same token, we can completely be distracted and our minds are racing and we miss some of the most basic things. On most days, we wake up sick, overwhelmed, tired, feeling hopeless and helpless. Most nights we can’t sleep and we begin our day feeling even worse due to lack of sleep. For me, when I lack sleep, I am super emotional and hypersensitive. Some days we need a nap just to rest our racing thoughts and emotions. Those close to us watch us sleep, and wonder how we can be so exhausted all the time. Well, the answer is that there is a war that constantly rages inside of our minds. Sometimes sleep is the only way to calm that war, even if just for a little while. We consistently overthink every situation. Was that comment about me; or was it a joke? Was I suppose to laugh? Did they mean what they said to me or was it really just a joke? Are they being kind? Are they talking about me? We think to ourselves, I bet they don’t really like me. We say we’re sorry ALL OF THE TIME. We apologize for things out of our control, actions of others, and for our feelings. We feel like a constant annoyance to everyone. Sometimes we struggle to remember things or to even do the simplest of tasks; tasks that we were able to do yesterday or even just a few hours ago. For all of these questions, we spend hours or even days trying to find the answer. We let these things build up inside our minds to the point of tears… it’s mentally exhausting seeing things this way. It’s not only mental changes, but it is also physical changes. Sometimes we don’t eat a lot, other times we eat way too much. We suffer from insomnia, we’re up all night answering questions to situations that don’t even exist, or we sleep too much and waste half of our day… still feeling tired. We smile even if it’s fake. We often feel alone, even when we have loved ones around us. We sometimes wonder if we are truly crazy. We wonder if our significant others are still attracted to us and we second, third, and fourth guess EVERYTHING. For me, extra reassurance goes a long way. The medications can help us because, in reality, we know when we start to feel this way or think this way, we need help. The frustration with these medications is that they take approximately 6 weeks, with the correct dosage, to get into your system before you can even start to feel better. In the short term, how does that help me RIGHT NOW?! Can I also mention the side effects? Suicidal ideations?! When I’m already feeling at my worst?! For those of us with anxiety, we panic at the thought of having a panic attack and not being able to calm down. We’re not stupid, we know it’s in our minds, and in our emotions, but for some reason we can’t seem to fix it. For me, the decades of sexual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse have saturated my mind and it has taken me YEARS of therapy to unlearn some of the toxic things that I unknowingly became accustomed to and the things that I let infiltrate my entire being. I owned them without even realizing it. I am still in therapy; LOTS of therapy, but I will say that I have put in the hard work and it’s paying off. I’m making great strides with the help of my therapists and through helping others. At first, I was ashamed and embarrassed that I was struggling. I wanted to handle it on my own, in private, because I am a strong woman; I mean, look at all the things I’ve overcome. I didn’t want people to give me advice or pity me., I just want to be loved, and accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle that nobody knows about. In this crazy world that we’re living in, kindness goes a long way. In difficult situations we need to look for the positive, not always just finding the negative. It could be as simple as being thankful for the opportunity to have continued growth during a difficult situation (I have to remind myself of this often). So, I may just be another person who’s talking about mental health…. Living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder. It’s 100 times harder if we have other conditions on top of this. I can certainly attest to this. Today, I am now recognizing when my attitude or behaviors change, I sometimes need guidance or extra support. I am blessed to have an amazing support system that help me through my difficult times. It wasn’t always like this but I have a great deal of pride, and my healing started when I swallowed my pride and I started to be honest with myself, and others around me about my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions. I was afraid of their rejection but instead I found my safe haven. A place where I can be real, raw, authentically me, without fear of judgment or ridicule. When I think about my safe haven, I realize that I’m not alone. I am loved. I am brave. I am powerful. I am worthy. I am enough. If I could give you any kind of advice today, I beg you not to suffer in silence. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are loved. You are brave. You are powerful! Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If you are reading this and you don’t personally struggle with these things, be part of the healing. Be understanding. Be kind. |
Kyle Aicher
Dreams 9f leaving turn to moments that a one and only shotty super heat wave moments. Weatherman brings stability to Sea temp and ride 🌊 until it’s to low to send home.